When it comes to thinking about our world (almost all day every day for me), why am I so dumbfounded by my own emotion that I can only think of paragraphs to post on facebook? I seem to only go as far as composing a superficial woe-begotten mini-rant, asking rhetorical questions and rehashing sentimental platitudes. Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on myself with this observation. Paragraphs are better than nothing. Or are they just babble? Emotional purging for the sake of not much else.

​So many of us think and speak and write of how we fear the world in which we're raising our children. Fear it and question it and pray for it and... dread it. It's like we just dread the future, how much more horrific it can get, the way it seems to be going.

Many of us pray and write hopeful things. And take hopeful actions. And get things done and change the world and save lives and create inventions and discoveries. I do have faith in us.

​But... but but but. Something's missing. Something's terribly wrong. I know it is, because I used to think I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders needlessly - and now I think I do it with no other choice.

I suppose that's because I'm a mother now, and I feel like I just can't let myself off the hook. I feel as if a buried speck of knowledge and ability lies somewhere within me that I am not allowing to surface. If I don't light the way into that abyss with my own feelings and emotion, how will I ever unearth it?

My old philosophy of living my joy is exactly that - it's old. I don't feel pure joy anymore in this world except when I'm with my son... And that isn't fair to him. I must not use him as my therapeutic solace. I wish to build a world for him where real joy is possible - not at the expense of barbaric wars and wasted resources. No, I can't live with all this blood on my hands. That of innocent people lost in the name of a fictitious cause... "fighting terror" and all this bullshit. The fight is the terror. The FIGHT.

We stick play swords in our kids' hands and let them pretend to stab each other. We buy them plastic guns and let them shoot each other as they run through the park, shouting "I'm gonna kill you!"

I know this observation isn't a new one, and it goes right along with my usual status-paragraph complaints. I just want to reaffirm it to myself - to challenge myself to raise my son with perspective, with awareness. To speak to him realistically about the effects of violence. To not instill in him that it is something in our nature. It may have been so in the past, as a means of survival; but it need not be so now.

Unfortunately my ideal doesn't sit with the real "now." Sure there are statistics for how less violent and poverty-stricken the world is now than in the past. But that doesn't mean it ISN'T violent and poverty-stricken. And I think it's a shame that it is, considering all of our evolutionary advancements. It's a shame that huge wars are waged for the sake of questionable motives. It's a shame that there are stories and explanations and wool over everyone's eyes. It's a shame that we aren't able to solve our problems. Put as simply as I can - I think it's a damn shame.

So I am challenging myself to think differently. Think of what hasn't occurred to me yet. Think of what I've been missing.

There isn't really a simple answer. Or is there? Is it just staring me in the face, a quantum degree away? What is real power? Do we possess it? How can we harness it? How can it have any effect? Here are my rhetorical questions again. Well, Yanika. Start thinking.

They say that overthinking is useless and even dangerous... I've definitely over-thought before to the point of feeling stagnated, or to taking unnecessary action...

But to think differently isn't to think too much. It's literally that - different. It's different. What does that mean? I think it is both forgiving and holding evil accountable at the same time. It's acknowledging what's wrong, not bypassing it with explanations and theories. It's.... Oh I don't know. It's beyond words. It's a simple prayer, it's a rhythmic heartbeat. It's a dying star inside a supermassive black hole inside a supernova birthing a new star. It's truth. And indeed it's out there somewhere. All the way out there, right in here. *points to brain*

I hope I can get nearer to it. Create it if I must.

      Hi friends, Yanika here. Sorry to be kind of a downer with this quote, but I saw it on facebook today and couldn't help sharing, what with all the bullshit in the air around these awkwardly staged "conventions" happening in our  country right now. As inspiring as certain speeches can be, they're just fanning our short-lived, wool-over-the-eyes, all-of-a-sudden-we-care flames, which could go out as quickly as the "yes we can" excitement. No, we can't, not as long as we continue to repeat the same cycles. Why give in to more illusion and promises while war continues? Why are we so comfortable living with such hypocrisy? And if we're not comfortable, what are we doing to create more ease and flow?
      
      Or are we just burning away, spiraling either up or down... while no one can hear the fizz and crackle of our transformation, whether evolutionary or destructive, because there's just so much distraction from truth. Truth is, it's time to truly care, and truly change. Not just continue to play the facade and use the same vocabulary, the same recycled dreams, the same shallow systems of profit and gain, the wealth of the few riding the calloused backs of the many - as long as we're comfortable. As long as we can drink away the weekend and zombie away the work-week. And no, I didn't just return from Burning Man, with a psychedelically-inspired fire under my butt to wreak my own version of hypocritical didacticism... maybe I'm just typing all this out to channel the fire in my heart, which aches, for my Mother Earth, and the destruction we continue to unload on her (that is, on ourselves, as we are part of her. We comprise her, and she us). 

      I can only give my love. I can only give my frequency. That's not so little, when it is amplified by our collective spirit... we all want to survive, thrive, live in peace, exercise our compassion and creativity... 
At some point in our lives, we've all been advised to not carry "the weight of the world on our shoulders." I must work for  MY happiness, even while children die daily in Syria, or as I walk by the man sleeping on the sidewalk on my way to yoga class, right here in the great land of AMERICA to which my family migrated in search of freedom. But wait. Really? Why is this ok? 

      I DO carry the weight... sorry, but I DO. I don't "mean" to.  I "try" not to. But how can we live in denial? I remember to breathe, and let it go. I dissolve into Oneness and try to allow balance. My life, my family, friends, art, health, consciousness, etc - is absolute bliss, heaven on earth I'd even call it. And that is my contribution. My joy. It is a luxury to live in joy. It  should be a birthright. And then what? I don't want to "start a non-profit," join an "organization," engage in "lobbying," or create wow-look-at-me-ART which will "change" your mind. I don't want to soap-box more paragraphs like this one in cyberspace where a handful of people will nonchalantly read it (out of boredom or morbid curiosity) and move right along to the next thing. 

      I can't "change your mind," I'm trying to liberate, build, and enhance my own, so that maybe it can fathom something which we haven't quiet stumbled onto yet? What is the "new model?" When and how will we "think" of it? It takes a quantum leap. Solutions can be right in front of us, but we're turned away, focusing on loose threads sewn by tangled sources... 

                                      “You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
               To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” 
                                                                - Richard Buckminster Fuller

It's nearing, I can feel it. Will be in the desert to watch. To feel. To heal. Pour my fears and worries into a pitcher to empty. Plant the seeds of my intentions into the fertile soil of my heart, activated by the celestial realms, suddenly so much closer to us, and we to them. 

Endless gratitude. Awareness of the elegance of being. The sumptuous sweetness of every breath. Life. Love.  

To be a woodland sprite, 
relaxed in spirit, reborn in song, 
a day, a night, a tender touch 
and everything
is joy. 


"Writing is the best way to answer your own questions. And the clearer the question, the easier the answer will come to you." -Julie Newmar, "Conscious Catwoman"


"When we find our core certainty within, then we no longer look for certainty outside.  
The unfathomable nature of the ever-changing world ceases  
to be a source of anxiety and instead is a source of joy and adventure."  
~Deepak Chopra


"11:11 - These represent four centres of consciousness: your own soul, Gaia, the solar logos and the soul of the Galaxy. Humanity has been out of alignment with the some or all of these centres for too long and that realignment is now beckoning." - Chris Bourne at Wake Up World

more from Chris Bourne: Surrender to the flow
"I share this possibility not to spread fear, but to spread awareness. Some in spiritual circles would likely say: “we should rather manifest the reality we want, one that is safe and loving”. However to me this is quite delusional. We’re an intricate part of a much greater system to which we’re being invited to surrender. Loving thoughts may make people feel better yes, but they’re not going to change the overall directional movement. For too long humanity (aided by Opposing Consciousness) has been manifesting illusionary realities – eddy currents in the flow – which are now being unwound.

Yes it’s surrender that I’m inviting.
I’d say we need to surrender many things.
In particular, we need to surrender the idea
that today will likely be just like yesterday,
Because in the future that is opening in front of us 
the only certainty will be uncertainty.

But there’s absolutely no need to fear this. Rather the other way around. When we’re locked in the mind, planning and strategising what we’re going to do on that tablet pc or not-so-smart-phone, we’re much less in the heart, feeling the flow of the field and what now wants to happen. What is benevolence inviting of us? For each of us there will be a divinely lighted path, helping us confront all our distortions, that we may peel them away and unfold the spiritual wings of our destiny."

*---------------*

Finally, someone who isn't preaching only positivity and manifesting positivity, positively. He is awake to the notion that we are "invited to surrender" to something bigger, and we cannot be delusional in thinking we can fix things will our loving thoughts. Yes, we must think positively and with lots of love. But, there needs to be included some sort of acceptance of all things... both positive and negative... something  to which we can't even distribute definition. 


“Love doesn’t need reason. It speaks from the irrational wisdom of the heart.”
 - Deepak Chopra


“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. Your really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
 - Lucille Ball



I don't need to hold on to any material thing, maybe a work of art or two, painted by my Mother. Maybe a photograph or two, shot by my Dad. 
 Maybe I'd like to hold onto my words, my dance, my song - and even that, I can let go. 
 All I'd like to see is more love and movement. 
 Earth's healing and human beings' authentic hope. 


Who would grovel around in the dirt and the muck for a few decades,
scratching around for an ever dwindling piece of illusionary security,
in exchange for just one day of divine, interconnected freedom? - Chris Bourne


What has become more apparent to me, is I somehow fear the power and majesty of truth and ascension. I fear change and discomfort, even though I have lived my life in preparation for it; and even though I usually believe in welcoming change. After all, it's the only constant. I have trained myself to not be attached, to get up and go at any moment, to not set goals in the name of false security, but to follow my heart and soul, even when that's meant seeming "failure" and lack of "success." Maybe there's enough success in my heart, even in moments of weakness. Maybe there's enough love to excuse it all. May the heart be as it wants. It longs to live and pour its joy on others... it wants to burst sometimes from seeming pain, but again, it's just perception, or illusion, or everything, or more. It's more than I can understand. It's more than words can seal, it's something so untouchable and so unreal... As unreal as something can be. A non-entity. A non-thing. Not existing even in the smallest of strings and fibers of matter and energy. An absoluteness, but an open question.

"For God to make love, 
For the divine alchemy to work, 
The pitcher needs a still cup." 
~Hafiz