Yanika
  • Home
  • About
  • Visual Arts
    • Drawings & Paintings
    • Digital & Mixed Media
    • Sketchbook
  • Performance
    • Dance
    • Acting
    • Modeling
  • Yoga
  • Video
  • Journal
  • Contact

My Usual Conundrum

7/21/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture

When it comes to thinking about our world (almost all day every day for me), why am I so dumbfounded by my own emotion that I can only think of paragraphs to post on facebook? I seem to only go as far as composing a superficial woe-begotten mini-rant, asking rhetorical questions and rehashing sentimental platitudes. Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on myself with this observation. Paragraphs are better than nothing. Or are they just babble? Emotional purging for the sake of not much else.


​So many of us think and speak and write of how we fear the world in which we're raising our children. Fear it and question it and pray for it and... dread it. It's like we just dread the future, how much more horrific it can get, the way it seems to be going.

Many of us pray and write hopeful things. And take hopeful actions. And get things done and change the world and save lives and create inventions and discoveries. I do have faith in us.

​But... but but but. Something's missing. Something's terribly wrong. I know it is, because I used to think I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders needlessly - and now I think I do it with no other choice.

I suppose that's because I'm a mother now, and I feel like I just can't let myself off the hook. I feel as if a buried speck of knowledge and ability lies somewhere within me that I am not allowing to surface. If I don't light the way into that abyss with my own feelings and emotion, how will I ever unearth it?

My old philosophy of living my joy is exactly that - it's old. I don't feel pure joy anymore in this world except when I'm with my son... And that isn't fair to him. I must not use him as my therapeutic solace. I wish to build a world for him where real joy is possible - not at the expense of barbaric wars and wasted resources. No, I can't live with all this blood on my hands. That of innocent people lost in the name of a fictitious cause... "fighting terror" and all this bullshit. The fight is the terror. The FIGHT.

We stick play swords in our kids' hands and let them pretend to stab each other. We buy them plastic guns and let them shoot each other as they run through the park, shouting "I'm gonna kill you!"

I know this observation isn't a new one, and it goes right along with my usual status-paragraph complaints. I just want to reaffirm it to myself - to challenge myself to raise my son with perspective, with awareness. To speak to him realistically about the effects of violence. To not instill in him that it is something in our nature. It may have been so in the past, as a means of survival; but it need not be so now.

Unfortunately my ideal doesn't sit with the real "now." Sure there are statistics for how less violent and poverty-stricken the world is now than in the past. But that doesn't mean it ISN'T violent and poverty-stricken. And I think it's a shame that it is, considering all of our evolutionary advancements. It's a shame that huge wars are waged for the sake of questionable motives. It's a shame that there are stories and explanations and wool over everyone's eyes. It's a shame that we aren't able to solve our problems. Put as simply as I can - I think it's a damn shame.

So I am challenging myself to think differently. Think of what hasn't occurred to me yet. Think of what I've been missing.

There isn't really a simple answer. Or is there? Is it just staring me in the face, a quantum degree away? What is real power? Do we possess it? How can we harness it? How can it have any effect? Here are my rhetorical questions again. Well, Yanika. Start thinking.

They say that overthinking is useless and even dangerous... I've definitely over-thought before to the point of feeling stagnated, or to taking unnecessary action...

But to think differently isn't to think too much. It's literally that - different. It's different. What does that mean? I think it is both forgiving and holding evil accountable at the same time. It's acknowledging what's wrong, not bypassing it with explanations and theories. It's.... Oh I don't know. It's beyond words. It's a simple prayer, it's a rhythmic heartbeat. It's a dying star inside a supermassive black hole inside a supernova birthing a new star. It's truth. And indeed it's out there somewhere. All the way out there, right in here. *points to brain*

I hope I can get nearer to it. Create it if I must.
0 Comments

    "Our world is in crisis because of the absence of consciousness. And so to whatever degree any one of us, can bring back a small piece of the picture and contribute it to the building of the new paradigm, then we participate in the redemption of the human spirit, and that after all is what it's really all about."
    - Terence McKenna


      Subscribe to be notified of new journal entries!

    Submit

    Elsewhere:

    Instagram
    Soundcloud
    Last.fm Music Profile
     My short-lived 
    Wordpress blog
     Alex Chemer Photography (my father)
    Vera Rey Fine Art 
    (my mother)

    Categories

    All
    Ancient Eyes
    Art
    Beauty
    Celebration
    Chakras
    Connectedness
    Dance
    Doodles
    Drawing
    Emotion
    Energy
    Essence
    Evolving
    Experiments
    Family
    Gratitude
    Growth
    Home
    Honoring
    Identity
    Love
    Meditation
    Moments
    Mood
    Motherhood
    My Babies
    Mystery
    Odessa
    Origins
    Performing Arts
    Poetry
    Prayer
    Purpose
    Reflections
    Sensitivity
    Sketches
    Spirituality
    The Sea
    Third Eye
    Travel
    Underwater
    Visual Art
    Website
    World
    Writing


    Archives

    February 2022
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2020
    January 2020
    September 2016
    July 2016
    April 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    February 2013
    September 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About
  • Visual Arts
    • Drawings & Paintings
    • Digital & Mixed Media
    • Sketchbook
  • Performance
    • Dance
    • Acting
    • Modeling
  • Yoga
  • Video
  • Journal
  • Contact